On Everyday Bullies
I’ve had an interesting week.
I received an insulting text from a number I didn’t recognize. The sender said a number of nasty and untrue things that were absurd enough to reject but hit close enough to home for me to know that the sender knew who I was.
Anyone who’s been bullied or harassed knows that the underlying feeling is fear. It feels like… how should I behave, how should I act to avoid more of this? It holds power over you.
This week, I serendipitously discovered that this formerly unrecognized number belonged to an acquaintance and was not a spam message at all, but a targeted message intended to cause shame. This discomfort I felt was intriguing - I decided to look into it.
Bullying
A word on the definition of bullying. Upon reading up on bullying, it is clear that its not just for kids. Adults deal with bullies and it’s a problem. Adult bullies can be a domineering boss or colleague at work, an antagonistic neighbour, etc. According to the Canadian Red Cross, bullying behaviour can overlap with harassment; though both refer to hurting another person through cruel or insulting behaviour, harassment specifically refers to a form of discrimination (e.g., based on race, sex, age, etc.). Some sources define bullying as a pattern of repeated behaviours, but other say it need not be repeated, especially in the online arena. Indeed, some define bullying as, “one person, or group of persons, being deliberately cruel to another person or group, for any reason”. I do not claim to be an expert on bullying, but understand that it can have far-reaching consequences on mental and physical health, like sleep loss, anxiety and depression, headaches, etc.
Cyberbullying
Cyberbullying is a form of harassment that takes place over digital devices (like cell phones) and includes sending or posting harmful, untrue, or mean things about someone else.
SMS is interesting because it isn’t observed by the larger public. There is relatively little risk of damage to the sender’s reputation – as opposed to a public comment on Instagram. They also don’t have to confront you to your face – potentially resulting in less limits to their hateful behaviour. Online or digital communication can cause us to fall into empathy gaps because many of the human cues that cause empathy, such as someone’s tone of voice and body language, are missing.
It got me thinking: what behavioural interventions could be used to stop bullying online?
Behavioural Interventions for Online Bullying
Instagram is testing a new Nudge that might actually reduce messages of bullying on it’s platform. Comment nudges. Using machine learning, Instagram detects when someone is about to post a mean comment, then gently suggests doing otherwise. It doesn’t prevent posting in any way, but causes commentators to pause, hopefully taking a second to think about their hurtful comment. Maybe soften it.
Texting or posting comments doesn’t always result in immediate feedback. Having a message pop up before you press ‘post’ is immediate, relevant feedback – a principle in behavioural economics known as feedback loops, wherein providing people with feedback about behaviour in real time gives them a chance to evaluate and change their behaviour, bringing them closer to their goal.
Social norms are also at play here. A message that recognizes your prospective post is off-tone of the community values and intention of Instagram signals not only what those values are, but what they are not. It subtly asks users what kind of person do you want to be?
There are no real algorithmic feedback loops in texts to warn people against sending a hateful message – or even to show the reaction of how that message lands. It might take standing up to a bully in real life, letting them know that their behaviour was not on, or even letting it go and being the bigger person (check out some tips for handling adult bullies here). I have always been a big believer in facilitating discourse on a subject as a great way to help everyone get on the same page of what’s right and what’s hurtful. It might help other people feel connected, supported, realize they are not alone, or even rethink the way they are treating someone else.
“Go out there and be sassy!”
Sass is standing up to bullies. Sass is standing up for what’s right: kindness and respect. Sass is distributing lots of sparkles. Go out there and be sassy.
Love,
Dr. D
P.S. if you are getting bullied – maybe at work, I found a good article here on tips and tricks with how to deal with it. If you are in psychological distress because of harassment, don’t be scared to reach out to your local crisis line, a trusted friend, or medical professional :)
