On Sending Thoughtful Texts
In our busy, digitally-connected world, does sending a quick text or email checking in on someone really make an impact on the receiver? Science says… yes!
Our interconnectedness came under the microscope during the pandemic. Unable to see each other, and worried about safety, texts, emails, and FaceTimes were exchanged near and far to check in as we remained physically distant. Research has found that social connection is a vital part of well-being, and concerns about the impact from decreased physical connectedness were raised. In lieu of seeing our companions, are those little text messages actually doing anything?
Yes, they are.
New Research on Reaching Out
A team of researchers wanted to understand the perceived value of getting a message from someone in their social circle. They were interested in understanding social interactions that typically happen in life that don’t take much initiative on the part of either person but that is associated with positive psychological outcomes and emotional well-being. For example, running into a neighbour on the street, saying hi to a colleague in the hallway at the office, etc.
The researchers referenced research about a decline in social interactions in society, especially because modern life doesn’t always facilitate serendipitous interactions, and requires at least one person to make the effort to initiate an interaction. They reasoned that if people think that someone doesn’t really appreciate being reached out to, that might be a deterrent to someone sending that text or picking up the phone in the first place. Is there a mismatch between how much we think someone will appreciate a check-in versus how much they actually do?
They set off to investigate the reach out, which can take many forms including letting someone know you’re thinking of them, paying a compliment, or even asking for a favour. What they found across their studies was that people consistently underestimated how much other people valued being reached out to. They attributed this to how the person being reached out to felt surprised, which led to a greater feeling of appreciation.
What’s more, they found that people underestimating how much their reaching out would be appreciated was greater for circumstances where it was more surprising. For example, it’s more surprising to be reached out to in cases of weaker friendships (‘loose ties’) rather than stronger connections (‘strong ties’), or in cases where the reach out is spontaneous, rather than a part of some regular routine or other program (ex. Say you’re both participating in the same sports league).
What Does This Mean?
You can rest easy knowing that checking in on a friend, acquaintance, or colleague will likely be appreciated, even if you haven’t been in contact in a long time. Although it might feel intimidating to reach out (reaching out takes vulnerability, after all!), we tend to underestimate the extent to which the message receiver will appreciate our gesture.
Take 10 seconds now to send that quick hello!
Thinking of you,
