On Why People Are So Mean Online
Watch out, the internet can be a mean place. Why is it so much worse in the virtual world than in person? It’s because of an empathy deficit, social norms, and anonymity. Received an unkind word online? Don’t sweat it, because it says nothing about you and everything about them.
This past week I got some bad feedback in a survey about a workshop I ran after hours for some colleagues.
I ran a professional development workshop as a favour to the team, going out of my way to do a nice thing to the best of my abilities, on a topic that I’ve presented before to over 1,000 people (!!!!) and never received back feedback.
The comments received from this commentator in the post-workshop survey didn’t make sense, really. When asked if my workshop helped them understand the topic, they rated it a 2/5… but then in the written comments said I had spent too much time on “doctor theories” (note: I spent a total of 3-4 speaking minutes on theory MAX… probably too short, actually). How can I simultaneously provide not enough info but too much info? Note that “doctor theories” was also a jab at me starting the session off by making a joke that though I’m a “Dr” I’m useless in medical emergencies.
Thanks a lot, colleague.
As I stewed about if this comment was actual useful feedback for me to use to adjust my workshop, or something I should be weary of, I started to wonder: would this person have said this to my face?
Probably not.
So, why are people so mean on the internet? Or meaner than they would be in person.
Nice in Person but Mean Online
There’s a name for it! The term for this behaviour is Online Disinhibition Effect. It refers to the reduction or abandonment of social restrictions and inhibitions found in normal face-to-face communication when using remote electronic communications.
What’s behind this? Researchers believe it’s a combination of factors including disconnection, anonymity, and a culture of negativity in comments on the internet.
Disconnection
There is an obvious disconnection between the content creator and the commentor on the internet that doesn’t exist in the non-virtual work. If you were to say a comment to someone in person, you would receive information back in the form of their reaction. Online, there is no way to see if you hurt someone’s feelings (unless they post a reply), made all the worse because these posts are often happening asynchronously, further disconnecting posters from each other. This lack of feedback can prevent commentators from tempering their comments to a socially-acceptable tone. Recent research has even gone so far as to blame the lack of eye contact for the perverseness of dumb negative comments on the internet. Lacking the visual cue that hey, this is a human you’re talking to in the online environment seems to have an impact on what people are willing to say – and not in a good way. The lack of human cues leads to an empathy deficit, reducing the commentators ability to relate to the others’ emotions, and cruelty ensues.
Anonymity
In anonymous surveys and in contexts where posting is possible under a username, posting exists in a system of low or no accountability. Posters can say anything without recourse. They can log out as if nothing happened, with no consequence in the non-virtual world. Plus, we can post things really, really quickly, without necessarily taking the time to think through what we could or should say. Researchers have found an strong link between anonymity on the internet and the frequency of cyberbullying, pointing to its place as a significant issue in society today.
Social Norms
We have come to expect that people are just meaner on the internet – because that’s what we see people doing and it has become the norm. Researchers have found that when mean feedback is provided in person versus online, people receiving the feedback in person are much more surprised than those who received mean online feedback, implying there is a certain level of expectation for mean comments in the virtual environment. Negative commentators are licensed to “just be honest” or “stir the pot” because that’s what others around them are doing. Rudeness (especially on certain social media platforms) has become the new normal. Rude or incendiary comments can get bigger reactions, garnering more likes, leading to a social reinforcement that probably wasn’t intended by Mark Zuckerberg. Unfortunately, we do see a lot of reinforcement of negative behaviours thanks to algorithms and ‘likes’ which has prompted some new features to be introduced on social media platforms such as block and report functions.
Negative Comments Say More About Them Than Me
Perhaps these naysayers are dedicated internet trolls, but they also might just be a nice person experiencing Online Disinhibition Effect. Either way, research shows that their lack of care or decorum is more a reflection of their psychology than anything to do with me.
Research has found that internet Troll types who say those mean things in the first place show positive correlation with the Dark Tetrad of Personality: sadism, psychopathy, and Machiavellianism (most strongly associated with sadism!!!). Yikes. The researchers make a distinction between people who are just open to debate or chatting online and stereotypical antisocial trolling behaviour, because people who enjoy debating on the internet don’t show correlation with sadism, implying they know how to keep the discussion within the realm of social acceptability.
I have no idea what my naysayer’s deal is but in my head they are an unhappy sadist who’s become disconnected from empathy and it looks worse on them than it does on someone like me who was brave enough to put myself out there and do something good for my community. HA!
To anyone who is being brave and putting stuff out there, I leave you with the words of legendary drag queen and activist Rupaul Charles: “Don’t read the comment section”.
Love,
