On Why Saying Thank You is your Secret Weapon as a Leader
Summary: Want to keep your people committed or going above and beyond with their effort? Psychology says: say thank you!
Ah, such a simple phrase. Two little words (or just one in French - merci!) can unlock so much in other people.
Research by Behavioural Science’s leading man Dan Ariely and colleagues Emir Kamenica and Drazen Prelec found a connection between acknowledgement and level of employee engagement and perseverance. They set up an experiment where participants in their study were given a repetitive task to perform (finding all the instances of double letters in a random sequence of letters printed on a single sheet of paper) and were compensated on a decreasing pay scale each time they brought a completed page up to the experimenter. In trying to investigate how long people would go for with the repetitive tasks, they made three groups: a first group where the experimenter would look at their answers and file it away (acknowledgement), a second group where the experimenter filed away the paper without even looking at it (ignored), and a third group where the experimenter wouldn’t even file the paper away but instead put it through a shredder.
What do you think happened? You guessed it, those in the acknowledgement condition completed significantly more sheets (roughly one third more) than the other conditions, who were identical to each other. This is fascinating because the people in the shredder condition could have easily made more money since their work was not even being checked for accuracy.
Acknowledgement in the form of ‘thank you’ seems to have magical powers. Why aren’t more leaders using it?
Saying thank you is so easy, how come people don’t do it?
Having been raised in the school of basic manners, it grinds my gears when people don’t have the wherewithal to say thank you when appropriate, especially leaders.
Yes, we can blame it on being busy, but is that really an excuse?
There might be a reason from Behavioural Science that explains why saying Thank You is hard.
The norm of reciprocity is a social convention where we feel compelled to return a favour to someone who has helped or given us something, or that if we have done a favour that it’ll be returned in the future. We also see that generally this norm is about returning acts of kindness in kind, or as close to it as possible. For example, if a friend asks for your help when moving house, you would more expect to be able to call upon the same favour, rather than to ask them to do your taxes for you (both painful tasks!).
Saying ‘thank you’ might be hard because it is often tied to moments of favour-doing and could lead to feelings of indebtedness. The other possibility is that you don’t want to look needy, like your success as a company depends on something (people’s efforts, kindness, and generosity) that you can’t fully control. It might even show that you care, which could make you feel vulnerable.
But the truth is that as a leader you are indebted to your people. Organizations are made up of people, you are actually fully reliant on them to make the machine run. No one is ever delivering just to the letter of the contract, but rather consistently giving you discretionary effort in the form of a late night here and there, working to make the work actually work. Indeed, in my field (consulting) we are contracted for 37.5 hours a week yet the average workweek is 50-80 hours, perhaps the equivalent of a second work week that is being given to you, dear leader, rather than to the individual’s own pursuits.
Why does saying thank you make a difference to your people?
The attitude of gratitude from leaders works for a couple of reasons because of our human nature.
People like to feel valued. No one wants to live a life where they don’t feel appreciated at work. We all have a need to be recognized or seen for our efforts. When this feeling is missing, we can start to feel like we don’t belong. Belonging and feeling valued is associated with finding meaning at work, psychological health and stability. On the flip side, contexts that lead to feeling like you don’t belong (like one where you receive no acknowledgement), we can literally feel physical pain. Saying ‘thank you’ is a great, cost-free way to help foster feelings of meaning and belonging in your people.
People need to feel seen. Some leaders don’t deploy a ‘thank you’ until they see top performance from their people. This is super short sighted. Thank You’s act as little signals to people that they are on the right track. They are mini moments of micro-validation to let someone know to keep doing what they are doing. Without saying Thank You, people have no guide posts about what they should keep doing. They might also feel like their efforts aren’t leading to anything of impact and become demotivated. Without these signals, people might question if there is an opportunity for career progression and start to look elsewhere. Saying ‘thank you’ is a quick and easy way to signal to people that they have a meaningful role to play in the team.
People want to work with humans. No one wants to work in a job that is purely transactional. Part of the joys of a career is getting to know and bond with your colleagues. Claiming that you don’t need to say thank you because people are just doing their jobs is SO very lame. Imagine if you had a heart attack at a restaurant and a paramedic saved your life, would you not say thank you because they were just doing their job? No. Access your humanity. How would you like to be treated by your leader? Think about that next time you interact with your employees. Saying ‘thank you’ is a risk-free way to acknowledge the humanity in your team and community.
How and When to Say Thank You
The more you say thank you, the easier it becomes.
When in doubt, say thank you. It’s free.
Say thank you when someone goes above and beyond.
Say thank you to the people whose job requires them to do the same thing consistently every time and therefore don’t have the same latitude for being flashy or going above and beyond.
Say thank you for little things.
Say thank you for big things.
Say thank you regularly.
Say thank you even if you aren’t comfortable.
Say thank you even if you don’t objectively like someone all that much.
Say thank you even if the person was just doing their job.
Say thank you even if you are busy.
Saying thank you in the flow of work = Happier Employees
Survey research has found that 75% of employees agreed company morale and motivation would improve if leaders made it a practice to provide real-time acknowledgement in the form of ‘thank yous’ at work. Over 60% of workers say their leaders could improve on this skill.
Interestingly, only 20% of workers said they liked being thanked at one-off events or functions. Indeed, 60% of millennials would like to hear from their managers once a day. Which makes sense. No one wants to feel invisible.
The moral of the story here is simple. Say thank you. It only takes a moment to say it, ping it, or send it in an email. It will benefit you and your bottom line.
With love and thanks!
