Sassonomics Guide: On Having A Great Coffee Chat
Stop wasting people’s time with dull, poorly-prepared coffee chats! If someone’s giving you 30 minutes of their time, let’s make it awesome!
The name ‘coffee chat’ implies a certain amount of informality that people take all too seriously, considering the absolutely vital nature of these rendez-vous in the context of corporate culture. Any career blog will tell you that if you’re looking for a job, you need to get out there and have coffee chats, indeed sometimes it can seem like networking is the only way to get a job. Having coffee chats is a key tool that hopeful professionals use to get information about a particular job, company, network, or simply ask for a favour.
But this is not a casual chat with your friends at the local coffee shop. This is a technique with a particular purpose. I know that when someone books a coffee chat with me that they likely want something from me (i.e., as opposed to a personal friend booking a social catch-up). A coffee chat in a professional context implies that a request of some kind is to be made: from an ask for me to connect someone to my network, to information or advice, to even a read-between-the-lines ask for moral support. Otherwise, why would someone take time from their busy day to reach out?
From my experiences, I believe working professionals are, at some level, aware that if someone asks you for a coffee chat, it’s because they want something from you. Indeed, when a stranger goes out of their way to insist on having a coffee chat with me and doesn’t ask me for something, I know that really they would have liked to ask me something but either didn’t feel confident enough to do it or weren’t prepared. You see, for so many people starting out their job search, they’re told ‘GO NETWORK’ but never told how. So today I will tell you how to have a great coffee chat, using Behavioural Science.
Let’s get to work.
Reaching Out
Put yourself in the shoes of the person to whom you’re reaching out. They are likely extremely busy, a zillion priorities on the go, and your 30 minutes is going to be 30 minutes less they spend with their family or relaxing at the end of the day. In a perfect world they’d have a ton of time and of course they’d want to meet you, but you’re competing with a bunch of other stuff going on.
Oh and they don’t even know you.
Oh and you’re likely not the only request this person is getting.
What’s a compelling enough reason for someone to take 30 minutes (plus either travel time or interruption time) to help you, a stranger?
Determine if someone can make a warm introduction for you: People are more likely to agree to meet with you if you have a mutual contact who makes the introduction. Why? Because presumably this person wouldn’t make the introduction if you were a nutcase, so in making the introduction they vouch for you a little bit (because ultimately your behaviour is a reflection of them going out on a limb to introduce you).
NOTE: Always opt for the double opt-in introduction. This is when the person making the introduction has asked both parties ahead of time. Most people prefer this over the ambush version. When someone makes the introduction without asking me first, I feel like I have no choice. But Behavioural Science also supports the double opt-in approach. When making a first small request, people are more likely to agree to a larger request down the road. So in this case, your mutual contact askes their friend to do a favour by agreeing to meet with you, they are more likely to help with the subsequent requests you might pose to them. This is known as the foot-in-the-door technique, and it works because people have a need to be consistent with their behaviour, so agreeing to a first request compels people to agree to the second to remain behaviourally consistent.
Always be the first to respond: After someone has graciously made the introduction, be the first person to send a message. Waiting for the other person who you want to chat with to make the first response shows passivity, and gives the impression that you’re not really valuing them or their time. After the intro is made, send your note right away.
Get clear about what you’re asking for: You’re not really asking for a coffee chat. This has nothing to do with coffee. You’re asking for an opportunity to ask for guidance or advice. Being direct about what you want helps the person you’re asking really assess if they can do that for you or not. A 10 minute Zoom or answer a few questions via email might actually be what you truly need. Make sure to articular all of this to the person you’re asking.
Propose times: Make it easy for the target person to say yes or no about times. Propose 2-3 windows and let them select. Don’t leave it vague, open-ended, or ‘meet up for a coffee sometime’. You are more likely to get an answer and to drive the timing towards when you want to meet.
Preparing for The Chat
Do your research: There’s nothing worse than having a coffee chat with someone who knows nothing about you or what you do. These kinds of chats literally destroy my heart. It takes mere minutes to look someone up. Even a LinkedIn profile gives tons of clues about people’s passions and history. There is an endless trove of topics specific to a person you could be asking them about to make the chat personal.
Don’t be lazy, do your research on the person you want to chat with. Why? Because it’ll make them feel like only they can help you in your search (making it more likely they will help you), and that you cared enough about them to take the time to do it. There’s also an element of flattery to it. People are more likely to like people who like them - it’s called Reciprocal Liking - and people are more likely to help people they like.
One of the best coffee chats I ever had was with a junior colleague of mine in consulting. He had done a bit of research on my interests and asked the most fascinating questions. I felt incredibly flattered that he learned a thing or two about my interests ahead of time and as such I was much more attentive to giving him my best advice, connecting him onwards, and staying in touch.
Prepare some questions ahead of time: know what you want to get out of the meeting. Is it career advice? Understanding the landscape of a new industry? Learning about someone else’s journey? Have a bunch of questions ready that you can draw from depending on how the conversation goes. It will give the impression that you are professional, focused, and prepared.
In the Coffee Chat
Do not be late. That is rude.
Express gratitude. The person you’re talking to is sacrificing something to chat with you. Show your appreciation and understanding that they are doing that for you.
Don’t be afraid of small talk. A quick question about how their week is going, if they’ve been able to take any vacation, or something else relevant usually humanizes the interaction and makes people feel comfortable. But don’t go overboard!
Introduce yourself. Have a 60-second elevator pitch-style personal introduction ready. What are the top 3 things about you that this person needs to know? You don’t want to waste 15 minutes of your 30 minute coffee chat talking about yourself, you’re there to listen. Actually practice your introduction. It’s easy to get overwhelmed in the moment and veer off course. After introducing yourself a few times, this’ll get easier! But before that, just make sure you’re prepared.
Listen. You’re there to learn. Be respectful, provide lots of time for answers, and use body language to show signs of encouragement (i.e., nodding, smiling).
Shoot your shot. If you have a purpose for being there or a request, actually ask it. If you don’t, people might wonder why you’re wasting their time. If nothing else, ask them if there is anything they’d recommend you read or listen to in order to continue learning.
Know when to leave. It will show the utmost respect to keep an eye on the time and start to wind things up a few minutes before the meeting is supposed to end. Keep in mind the person you’re chatting with doesn’t know if you’ve hit all your goals for the chat or not, so might be holding on to make sure they’ve answered your supposedly urgent questions. Be prepared to wrap up the meeting, and restate any action items (if any came up). Express your gratitude for their time and offer to reciprocate if it feels appropriate.
After the Coffee Chat
Send a thank you note. Someone just gave you their time - and the value of that time is way more than a cup of coffee. Say thank you! Show that you valued them and what they had to say. Do so over email with a short thank you note. Be specific when you say thank you; if there was something they said or did that had a big impact, mention it. Not only can giving thanks make YOU happier, it is also likely to warm the heart of the receiver and make them more likely to help you in the future because of the positive feelings a ‘thank you’ generates.
Very few people send me thank you notes after a coffee chat. I file that information away. I’m more inclined to help someone who does show their appreciation. Just do it.
Actually do the action items that were suggested. You asked for advice, now follow it. Whether it’s shoring up on some skills, doing some more research, or any other tip or trick, actually do it. It will be worse to circle back with that person later on and have them ask how their advice went only to learn that you threw it away. Even if you are skeptical, give it a try! You never know.
Down the road… keep in touch. If you had a positive interaction, or the offer was made to keep in touch, do. Send an email out in a few weeks asking how the person is, and telling them how their advice made an impact. Even ask for another coffee chat round. This moves your interaction with them from transactional to relationship. If it feels appropriate, add them on LinkedIn if you haven’t already!
Be Polite, Personable and Professional
At the end of it all, don’t forget to be yourself. You have a personality, interests, passions… people want to see that! It makes you memorable! It makes you unique. These things count, too. Have confidence in that you are someone that someone else would want to know.
Now get on out there, and don’t forget to order decaf!
Love,
