On Being Likeable and Authentic

Are you likeable?

This is the question that Mandy Rennehan, CEO of Freshco (not the grocery store!) asked 1,500 consultants recently. I know you’re all smart, but are you likeable?

Wow, Mandy. Just… wow. No one has ever asked me that before, and it really made me think.. how likeable am I?. It’s always a conversation about skills, never just, are you likeable. Technical skills, project skills, “red people”. subject matter expertise. On the interpersonal side it’s about can you work on a team? Can you lead from behind? Can you leverage your network?

I thought to myself, yeah. There’s something to this.

In fact, I’ve been told my whole life that you can’t care what people think or if they like you. It doesn’t matter how you do it, just get the job done.

Wrong!

Being a likeable person at work shapes how people treat you, including your bosses and co-workers. Likeable people are engaged as change agents to get groups on board with innovations. Being likeable at work can also make you more believable: a study by Kirsten Fanning and M David Piercey of 133 managers found that if an auditor is both likeable and gives a well-organized argument, managers will be more likely to take their suggestions, even if they disagree with the manager’s position or the manager lacks supporting evidence for their position.

So, even for number-crunching auditors, being likeable matters. But I want to know why to better understand how to be likeable at work.

Why Does Being Likeable Play a Role in Professional Relationships?

Cognitive Bias No. 1 - The Affect Heuristic

The affect heuristic is a mental shortcut where decisions are heavily influenced by current emotions. This plays out in real life by having us make different decisions when we are happy and relaxed versus stressed and angry (e.g., maybe I choose the carrots as my snack when I’m happy but when I’m stressed I’ll go for the cookie). We tend to perceive certain people, objects, or activities as having a greater benefit to us when we’re in a good mood, but more risky when we’re in a bad mood.

If a certain (likeable) person puts us in a good mood, chances are we’ll be more likely to perceive their professional endeavors as having greater benefits, or being less risky, than people who give us a bad gut feeling. You might get hired more, assigned to cooler projects, get that promotion, or even make more sales just because you’re likeable.

Cognitive Bias No. 2 - The Halo Effect

As a part of impression formation, the halo effect indicates that when we form an impression of a person that he or she possesses a positive or negative trait, we tend to assume that other qualities that we don’t know yet will also be positive or negative, even if that characteristic is totally unrelated to the original trait. A classic example is of women with an attractive physical appearance are judged as having more desirable personalities competence, and happiness.

Applying the Theory - As Leadership, Likeability Matters

If you are perceived positively by being likeable, it is likely that your other characteristics, including skills and contributions to a team or project, will be judged favourably as well. This could be useful to keep in mind if you don’t have enough time to demonstrate a competence to a client or a working partner. Want to be likeable at work? Turn on the charm, people!

In terms of leadership, being likeable matters too. Researchers Jack Zenger and Joseph Folkman identified that leaders who ranked low in terms of likability only had a 1 in 2,000 chance of being rated as effective. Leaders who focus on strength instead of being likeable might cause followers to be fearful, stifle innovation, and negatively impact culture.

It turns out that people tend to like you more if you like them – it’s called reciprocal liking. When our liking of someone is projected, others tend to return the liking. Not only could this be a powerful tool in the office, but it might help to boost team morale and productivity. Being likeable means something at work. But beware, being likeable is harder to pull off through videoconferencing – and people can be more influenced by delivery and how likeable you are than the underlying message… a concern as the use of videoconferencing at work continues to grow.

Here's a question – Think of an example of a charismatic, likeable colleague, who you didn’t trust as far as you could throw them. I think the right word here is “smarmy”. What does Psychology have to say about those folks?

How To Be Likeable at Work - You’ve Gotta Be Authentic

Authenticity means being true to oneself, in line with one’s thoughts, actions, and needs. Being inauthentic can taint the moral self-concept and lead to psychological distress. Basically, it feels bad. And it takes work. The cognitive dissonance between behaviours that are counter to attitudes or beliefs causes strain and discomfort. That’s why lying feels bad.

What does this have to do with being likeable at work? Because inauthenticity can poke a hole in any traction and trust you might have from being likeable. Being perceived as a phony can lead to worse business outcomes for you (e.g., not getting that contract you were trying to secure) and also your team (e.g., decreased creativity and teamwork). Leadership theories underscore the importance of Authentic Leadership, focusing on being self-aware and genuine, as being more important than being purpose-driven.

It’s also exhausting to be inauthentic.

We form impressions about others very quickly (e.g., we form impressions about someone based on their face in as little as 33ms (milliseconds)). And impressions can be notoriously hard to change.

People can differ on their levels of likeability and authenticity. So, what are you?

How Likeable Are You?

Whether we like it or not, being likeable matters. People who are likeable and popular are more likely to get hired, earn more, or get promoted.

Wondering how to be likeable at work? Take a second and ask yourself, “how likeable am I?” but don’t forget that to do it well, you gotta be true to yourself. The world needs more of you in it anyway!

Love,

Dr. D