May 16

May 16 On Finding Meaning in the Pandemic

What happens when your life’s meaning, your “raison d’etre”, is taken away? This is something many people are struggling with thanks to Covid-19 – no longer being able to do the things that make them them. Whether it’s volunteering in your community, athletics, working at your job, or even being with family and friends, having these things taken away in the pandemic is hard. I’ll explain why it’s hard and some things that might help.

The Covid-19 Pandemic has been hard on everyone. The virus has killed millions across the globe and many of us in Canada have experienced one of the longest lockdowns in the world.

Cooped up for months thanks to the Covid-19 pandemic has taken its toll, pushing people further from others and leaving many feeling downright lonely, stressed, or with a lack of meaning.

If you’re feeling any of the above, you’re not alone. Especially if you are someone who’s used to dedicating a lot of time to something that’s cancelled because of the pandemic. For example, if you are a dedicated volunteer, someone who spends a few hours per week on your cause, out there in the community, and whose friends all revolve around their volunteer work. Or if you do a sport and you’re used to seeing your team or training buddies a few times a week, building skills, working towards tournaments and competitions or goals.

For you, the pandemic has really changed the nature of what you can and cannot do now because of safety concerns, so many of you are now finding yourselves at home rather than connecting with family, friends and the community.

This can’t feel good, and I’m here to tell you that that feeling is okay, and even expected under the circumstances. I’m going to explore why that feels bad and what you can do about it.

Why Being Cut Off From Your Core Activities Feels Bad

Isolation

A big change that came with Covid and lockdown is how we all suddenly became isolated from our friends, families and communities. Contact with family and friends continues to be limited, and social and leisure activities are restricted, which can cause feelings of loneliness.

You might be missing family and friends, colleagues or other everyday connections. It's natural to feel like this, and you should not blame yourself for feeling like you are struggling, now or at any other time.

You don’t have to sit idly by and count down the days

Connection is a central part of being human. Social connection can lower anxiety and depression, help us regulate our emotions, lead to higher self-esteem and empathy, and actually improve our immune systems. Wifi and Zoom aren’t enough to fulfil our basic need to connect.

Anxiety and apathy, as well as disconnection, are some of the mental health consequences that come from isolation, while the increased feelings of depression and stress, especially during a time of uncertainty, may have serious impacts on public health, increasing people’s vulnerability to poor health, and weakening society as a whole.

For some of us, these activities were a chance to stay active, which is a key part of staying healthy.

It's really important to remember these changes will not be forever. With the rollout of the Covid-19 vaccine, many are hopeful that the easing of isolation is in sight.

Your Self-Concept

Your passion is a part of your DNA. If I asked you about yourself, I wouldn’t be surprised to discover that your volunteering, your family, or your sport are probably real core parts of who you are. You’re “the helper” or the “competitor” or the “one who makes family dinners”. But what happens when you can’t do the things that make you, you?

To understand what’s going on here, we should think about our self-concept.

Your self-concept refers to your perception of the collection of characteristics that define you.

Personality traits, abilities, likes and dislikes, your belief system or moral code, and the things that motivate you — these all contribute to self-image or your unique identity as a person.

Your self-concept is a big part of your self-worth. It can help to inform the activities you do that give you meaning.

If we lose our job or a loved one, or move countries, for example,we can be left feeling so bereft that we can lose sight of ourselves. It can feel like a real loss.

These feelings might sound familiar. Covid has all but taken away your ability to do something that is so core to your identity. You might be asking yourself “who am I if I can’t do my thing?”

This identity crisis is a natural and common experience for those suffering a heavy loss. Getting through this takes courage. You’re in unknown territory with almost no idea where this crazy terrain might take you.

In most cases, this identity crisis will be temporary. As you process the grief, you will adapt, adjust, heal, and grow (though any and all of these might seem impossible on any given day).

The good news – the pandemic will end, and you’ll be back out there doing you.

Superman knows when its best to stay at home

Contributing to Your Community

Finally, Covid-19 has taken away your ability to contribute beyond yourself in your community - whatever community that may be. There is something so wonderful about knowing you are making a difference to the people around you – whether it’s at family gatherings, part of a religious community, or in sport. It brings meaning and purpose to life, and can be a big source of joy and happiness.

Contributing beyond oneself keeps your life in check. Helping out of good will creates such a positive feeling – something sometimes called a warm glow – it actually releases dopamine in your brain and makes you feel good.

The sense of purpose you get from contributing beyond ourselves is really powerful. It has been shown to be especially important for seniors. Seniors with a sense of purpose in life are less likely to develop Alzheimer’s Disease, have heart attacks or strokes, and are more likely to live longer.

Why? Purpose often keeps us physically active, motivates us to take better care of our health, and stay connected to others.

This is a highly unprecedented time and we are figuring this new normal out together. But there is one group in particular who go through similar difficulties: soldiers and military personnel.

Many soldiers report enjoying the feeling of camaraderie and purpose that comes from active duty that is largely removed when they re-enter civilian life. They can miss the well-defined roles and hierarchy, the shared mission and the shared identity from their military experience. Some 30-40% of veterans struggle with re-entry.

What can we learn about their re-entry experience that might help us? The veterans who coped the best exhibited an easier time with re-entry had a couple things in common. They were deliberate about keeping connected to their local communities, whether it be through faith or family. They also reported very consciously and clearly knowing what their deployment mission was, to be able to better see it as being wrapped up and having some closure.

What Can We Take From This?

First of all, connection. Though it might not be with your team or people, consistent prioritization of connection to your communities is important. Maybe you join your faith group’s Zoom call, you set up a time to talk on the phone with family, or even book a socially distanced walk with a friend when the weather gets nice. Whatever it is, taking an active role in fighting loneliness and disconnection will really help fight the pandemic blues. Explore ways to spend time together in a Covid-safe way.

Next, take time to celebrate the ‘completed missions’ you and your team did in the form of great community initiatives, competitions, or fun times pre-Covid. Think of it like a soldier – though the war continues, you won some epic battles, and they deserve to be celebrated! Instead of feeling the anxiety and stress of events or tournaments not taking place right now, cast your memory back to the great accomplishments of your team.

Finally, cultivate purpose. You are a multifaceted individual with many sides to your self-concept. The pandemic could actually be a great time to express other parts of yourself. This doesn’t happen overnight. It can be as simple as taking care of a garden, or a pet, or even being kind to a neighbour. You can even flex those brain muscles and stay busy by learning something new, like a new hobby or something you’ve always wanted to enjoy. Whatever it is, give yourself the time and space to be you and to explore. The world is full of exciting things!

Whatever it is, I encourage you to give it a try. Put that giving spirit to use on yourself or your immediate family. Covid-19 is tough on everyone and you can play a role in helping us get to the finish line!

Love,